for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
