In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
