We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
