I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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