the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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