I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
my shit smells like andre
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
