is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
