I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
