remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
