also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
