hotel room ftw
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
