Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
