Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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