end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
