wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
