i permit you to call me
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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