I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
how drunk are you?
Several
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
