the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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