Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
