Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
