it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
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