fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
