He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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