just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
