Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
