that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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