Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
