My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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