Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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