So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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