I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
