she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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