if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
