wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
