Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
