I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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