I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
