$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
