I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
