Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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