: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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