I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
