i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
