You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
