that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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