Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
