she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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