This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Did you just see the Batmobile???
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
