I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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