There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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