i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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