She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
