The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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