I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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