I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
