It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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