next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
