I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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